I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize