wakey wakey hands off snakey
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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