the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
