Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
