it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
