Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What drink are we having for lunch?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
