are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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