i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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