oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
