please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize