p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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