I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
