Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
