I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
