she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
