That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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