So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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