drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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