Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
