If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
