Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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