Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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