He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
