What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
