OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's rum buckets o'clock
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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