hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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