Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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