When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
