Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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