Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
