Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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