I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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