i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
