If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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