my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
