someone threw a dead crab at me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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