guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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