it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
