sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
