my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
