theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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