I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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