Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
