I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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