just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
