How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
