I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
