im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
