dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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