i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
