Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
