she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
