So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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