my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
