i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
