He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
