So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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