why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
