your parents love me but you hate me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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