I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
