I wish I could punch you in the face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wear drunk well.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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