he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
