and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
