I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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