Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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