I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
