Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
