I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
