That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize