In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize