Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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