Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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