You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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