I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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