If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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