Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
