onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize