He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
