just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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