I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize