I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
