Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
