i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
