so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
