I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
