If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
