I wanna passion pit in your ass
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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