he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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