Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
