I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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