i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
