Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize