I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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