I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Drunk is not a location!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
