The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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