Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize