You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
